Several years ago, I was wrongly and clandestinely accused of terrible things in separate incidents in my school and church. The action appears to have been motivated by petty maliciousness in the school and by fear and racism in the church. The rumors were discussed and believed by literally hundreds of people, including those in administrative and dominant social positions. I found out about both years or months later from people outside my school and church, as no one inside them bothered to confront, warn, or face up to me in person. Prior to this, I was one of the most universally respected persons, but since then I have been stained, and carry a legacy of disgrace. Upon visiting my high school after my graduation, I heard about the accusation there again from people much younger than me, indicating that when I and the others left, the story and the mark stayed.
Though the accusations were never brought to legal ends, I fear that they carry the effect of multiple felony convictions. I believe that should I ever apply for a job that requires a thorough background check, run for public office, or make an enemy of any person, these rumors will spring out of my history, and because they are believed by so many people and I have no means to disprove them, be taken as fact. This won’t ever go away, no matter how old I live to be. It will follow me all the way to my grave. I’m twenty years old now.
At my university, I remain surrounded by people involved in both incidents. At any time, should I be recognized publicly, or should someone have a grudge against me, some of the very accusers themselves can step forward and instantly destroy my career prospects, social relationships, and most other aspects of my life beyond hope of repair.
That this has happened and that I cannot escape it shames and angers me. I want to loosen its grip on me, and gain what measure of freedom from the terror and stigma I can.
To that end, I am considering open disclosure and discussion of the incidents with the majority of my friends, so that among them I can move among them without such shame or secrecy. I see no means to eliminate the root problem, as it would require all the accusers, some of whom were never identified to me, to openly confess their falsehood, and for thousands of people all across this state to hear and believe them. I expect that if they hear about this, several of my friends will break contact with me, lose their faith in me, or no longer be trusting and genuine, and that I will not be able to tell with certainty which do and which do not.
I post this here in search of friendly advice and support.
FIATLOVE
01-09-2006, 01:58 PM
Dear maty,
your story sounds very similar to what I have been living trough, tho to me it started many years earlier than yours. For me it did not went out so perfectly good because I was so young kid.
From what I read of your knowhow and understanding about this very serious issue, I do believe that you have the capabilities to come out better than I did.
If I was in your place I would if possible move to another university, in another town.
The main reasons for people and masses to start make up stories and "realities" of another person is that this person is INTERESTING, INTELLEGENT, NOT FOLLOWING MAINSTREAM, AND IN THE OPEN MOOD FOR NEW THINKING. And that they don't understand the person and this persons aims. (Because this person don't follow mainstream rules in some kind of ways)
Remember my friend, this capabilities is seen as VERY DANGEROUS to the mainstrsam people. Everybody claims to be waiting for wonders who really wants to change things to the better, but when those people shows up for real, troubble starts.
You maybe that "troubble" ;-))
Beware of what you say, be very aware. (do not act like me, heheheeheh)
This world is stuill ruled by primal forces, intelligence level-climbing seems to be many centuries ahead still (plz try to see my ironics in this sentence.. , still it's true IMO)
I wish you the best luck in your future!
Mads / [NO]Head
Baritone Black
01-09-2006, 02:14 PM
If I was in your place I would if possible move to another university, in another town.
This happened in secondary school and I have since moved to a University 250 miles away.
Thanks for your well-wishes.
Justin Martin
01-09-2006, 03:55 PM
A possible problem that I see with telling your friends is that if they don't believe you, then you might have just started the rumors back up. But i'm sure that you've thought of that.
You might check to see if there is a statute of limitations with regards to you having been a minor at the time. I checked a little bit on the internet, and unfortunently it appears as though Virginia has no statute of limitations on felonies in general.
I'm afraid I don't have any other advice, but I do wish you the best of luck in this situation.
Baritone Black
01-09-2006, 04:00 PM
I'm not worried about being prosecuted, but about being disgraced and unemployed.
Myshkin
01-09-2006, 11:09 PM
I can't say I have been in exactly the same situation, but the one time that someone started something serious against me (including a police report) I dealt with it by meeting it head on and taking the offensive. While there may have been people that believed it at first, after I came out telling everyone my side of the story and what I thought the motivations were (including going to the police before they asked to talk to me), people seemed to think that someone with something to hide would have tried to hide it or run away, while someone that freely challenges it head on is probably sincere.
But that was not nearly as big as what is appears that you are talking about. I was just accused of larceny. If you are not afraid of prosecution, then you have the advantage... I would especially talk to my friends and loved ones about it, if they are your friends they will support you, and you bringing it out into the open will help your case because it means you are not hiding anything. The fact of the matter is that if you can't be charged with anything, you have the advantage that no one can prove anything.
I doubt it would ever affect your job if you have not been charged with anything. I would not want to work somewhere that bases their recruitment on rumors. True, you can't do anything about lingering doubts that someone might have, but outside of where you grew up I doubt anyone would care. Do you expect to return there to work?
Those are my thoughts from the outside looking in. I wish you luck.
chris
01-10-2006, 03:02 AM
Look for any sort of laws regarding discrimination, use those if you need to. And if worst comes to worst, hire a lawyer and file defamation proceedings against other parties over libelous statements, remarks or publications.
If firms should not wish to hire you based on heresay and gossip, then you don't want to work for them anyway. You want to work with a firm that values your knowledge and commitment to their company and rewards you for it. In any case, during any recruitment process, be honest, address the selection criteria properly and show you are enthusiastic and you'll have no problems.
If the rumours should amount to police involvement, or you suspect they might, go to the police first, explain to them what you think is happening.
This is one of those reasons why you just mind your own business, protect your little corner of the world and do nothing more.
Commander
01-10-2006, 09:39 AM
Chirs really nailed it, reread what he wrote and soak it up. If someone wants to play games, you too can play hardball and throw a defamation of character suit in their face. I had to approach this very action after having been more or less accused of assaulting someone. Since I had 6 winesses that could verify I was sitting in my parents' yard having a campfire when this supposedly happened, I approached the accuser head on with the possibilty of legal action against him. It didn't hurt me either that the guy didn't have a bruise on him, and everyone who he told this story to knew full well that had I ever really decided to attack this guy, he sure wouldn't be looking A-OK. This is only one person, but rumors start somewhere. If you can get to the root of it, you may wish to confront the one who started it all. Otherwise, if these are people you will never see again, just let it be, they aren't important. You won't need to worry about this affecting your future, your job, your grades or anything. Only if you are convicted of something serious will you need to worry, and since you have done nothing wrong and cannot be proven guilty of anything, you needn't worry about it at all.
KyzrSoze
01-10-2006, 11:26 AM
I wanted contribute a helpful answer to your post and have been thinking about it a little today. I don’t have an answer that lays out the steps you can take to resolve this issue, but I do have at least a few thoughts that may be helpful.
1)Your world is much smaller when you are 20 years old than it will be in the future, and it has the effect of making this issue much larger now than it will be in one year, two years, five years etc. The truth is that some of this will only be cured over time.
2)This next one is true for anyone, but is even more so for you. From now on (and I mean from now on until you die) make it a focus of your life to leave a good impression of yourself with everyone you come in contact with. I don’t mean making people think that you are a nice guy, I mean making it clear in all of your dealings that you are #1 a man #2 a man of character. You can do this even in cases when you have a problem or disagreement with someone else. Example: In my business I provide my customers with references from other customers. I also provide them with two references from customers that had a bad experience with my company. I tell them this – “a good measure of a solid company is how they handle problems during a project. These customers can tell you that even though everything did not go as planned our company took care of things and kept every promise.”
Don’t allow people to expect perfection from you, just have it known that when things aren’t perfect you will remain honest and true to your word.
3)Truth is your only ally. Make sure that you are being completely honest with yourself about this incident. It may be that you are entirely in the right - You were somewhere else when the incident happened. Maybe circumstances wrongly point to you – you were there when it happened, so it had to be your fault. Or maybe you were doing something goofy with your friends (maybe something relatively harmless but not a good idea) and it set you up to be accused. I don’t know the truth, but you do. Whatever the case be honest with yourself first and be prepared to share it with others when necessary. Deal with your mistakes, but never accept undeserved guilt.
Ultimately, a rumor is like pee in a swimming pool – once its out there you cant do anything to get it out. Your only weapon is to live such a way that your friends and acquaintances could not believe such a rumor.
Baritone Black
01-11-2006, 08:34 AM
2)This next one is true for anyone, but is even more so for you. From now on (and I mean from now on until you die) make it a focus of your life to leave a good impression of yourself with everyone you come in contact with. I don’t mean making people think that you are a nice guy, I mean making it clear in all of your dealings that you are #1 a man #2 a man of character. You can do this even in cases when you have a problem or disagreement with someone else. Example: In my business I provide my customers with references from other customers. I also provide them with two references from customers that had a bad experience with my company. I tell them this – “a good measure of a solid company is how they handle problems during a project. These customers can tell you that even though everything did not go as planned our company took care of things and kept every promise.”
Don’t allow people to expect perfection from you, just have it known that when things aren’t perfect you will remain honest and true to your word.
Funny thing about it is that I've always lived this way. I was by far one of the most respected in the community before this happened. My integrity seemed to make the rumor that much jucier and more fun for the liars.
KyzrSoze
01-11-2006, 08:59 AM
Funny thing about it is that I've always lived this way. I was by far one of the most respected in the community before this happened. My integrity seemed to make the rumor that much jucier and more fun for the liars.
Dont worry too much then. In the long run the fact that you live that way will outrun the rumor. You'll be OK.:)